etre dingue de quelqu'un._____
Friday, July 07, 2006
11:03 PM
okay this is going to be a random post.
i think sometimes.
it's better to be deaf and blind.
and unfeeling.
deaf so you wont hear things you dont want to hear.
like lies after lies after lies from certain people who you thought you could trust with all your heart.
blind so you wont see things that bother you and no matter how you try to ignore it, it just wont go away so much so that you just have to do smth about it.
which leads to something undesirable.
unfeeling so you wont feel the hurt that those you love the most bring to you.
intentionally or otherwise.
the world is unfair sometimes.
but at times like this,
friends will always be there.
the true ones of course.
everyone has lots of friends.
hi-bye friends rather.
you can boast about having like thousands of friends.
but out of that many people.
how many can you actually call your true friends?
there's probably like only a handful.
and sadly,
you dont always know who these people are till when something serious happens.
you dont have to be with these people all the time.
but you know you can always count on them to be there for you whenever you need them.
and i'm glad i have these certain people in my life.
i shant name names.
cos you know who you are.
it's without a doubt.
so to you guys.
i love you all the bits and thanks for being in my life.
because it's with you people around that make life with some assholes bearable.
one reason why i'm saying all this is cos of what i learnt yesterday about someone.
i never knew that person was so despicable.
and to think that i was actually about to forgive that person for what that person had done.
and then i learn something new.
to YOU.
you were the one who betrayed me in the first place.
dont say you didnt.
even when i was too BLIND to see it.
people around me saw it.
what did i do?
i chose to ignore it.
it went on for so long.
you expect me to believe that nothing went on?
i cant alright.
the countless lies you told.
one after another.
it makes me wonder whether anything you said was actually true in the first place.
give me one reason why i should believe you.
you expect me to forgive you when you didnt give me a proper apology.
you really thought that i wouldn't know about the things you did?
the world is a small place.
things you try to hide will always be found out one day.
even if it's not by me.
if the two of you were really friends.
you didnt have to lie about where you were.
yes true i still would have my doubts.
but did you really think by lying and keeping it from me i'd never find out?
what do you expect me to think.
if you were in my shoes.
what would YOU think.
you yourself know better than i do.
ask yourself deep inside.
WHO was the one who was being _________ in the first place?
WHO tried to control the people i hung out with?
WHO got angry everytime some guy got close to me?
and you DARE say that i was being ____________
ask yourself whether you weren't at all.
if anything.
YOU were the one being ________
you can deny it all you want.
spread to anyone you want about that being the reason why we broke up.
but deep inside.
YOU know the REAL reason.
if you still dont know by now.
then i guess i really have nothing more to say to you.
dont make it sound as though you dumped me cos i was being overly _________
I dumped you because you were unfaithful.
so dont you DARE spread untruths.
because it will all come back to you.
karma you know.
KARMA.
and if you ask me.
you're probably experiencing it now.
i sort of felt sad for you at first.
but now.
i think you deserve it.
and i just cant understand how you can act as though nothing ever happened.
it makes me wonder whether YOU have ANY feelings in the first place.
it was a mistake from the start.
and yes i REGRET ever being with you.
i used to blame the other person for causing this to happen between the two of us.
but now i dont.
cos it has nothing to do with that other person at all.
it was all about you.
and to that other person.
i'm sorry for being so.
rude to you and everything.
it's not your fault.
i dont deny that i didnt play a part in the way things turned out.
i should have listened to my friends long ago.
i shouldn't have placed so much trust in you.
i let it happen too.
so for that.
i'm partly to blame.
i dont even know why i'm typing all this.
i doubt you'll read anyway.
but oh well.
like i said.
the world is small.
someone will probably tell you about this.
and i hope maybe you'll learn something from this.
and to all the other people reading this too.
dont bother asking me what happened.
it's none of your business.
if we're close enough you would know what i'm talking about.
if you dont.
dont bother to ask.
i wont tell.
some things are meant to be kept private.
that's why there's such a thing called PRIVACY.
okay i think i'm being totally bitchy now.
if you dont like it you dont have to continue reading.
okay that's one thing off my mind.
there's still two more main things.
it's all a jumbled mess.
i need to sort it out.
you know.
sometimes i just dont know what to think.
it's like there's so many things you dont know how to sort it out and then you start to take it out on people unintentionally.
and for that i'm sorry.
so.
if i say give me some time to think things out alone.
i mean it.
dont ask me what it's about.
i know you're concerned.
but some times certain things you just need to sort it out yourself.
telling others just makes it more confusing.
so when you keep asking me what's wrong.
i get pissed.
so.
when i say leave it.
i mean it.
okay.
i started typing this post at 11.
now it's almost 12.
gosh my eyes are going blind.
if you've managed to read till here.
i congratulate you.
i think i shall go think about the other stuff bothering me.
good night.
illusion